Location: Student Council Office
Keito: Sakuma-san! There’s been an incident, I need your help!
Jeez. You’re hopeless, Nobita-kun….* I’ll give you a suitable secret gadget to use,* so use it to go and massacre those that bother you.
Te-re-re-ren! Automatic Handgun (16 Bullet Cartridge) ~🎵 (T/N: Nobita is the bespeckled character from the children’s show Doraemon. Doraemon is a robot-cat from the future who has secret gadgets he uses to help Nobita. The “te-re-re-ren” sound is the tune played during the episode title of the series.）
Keito: Spare me your malignant jokes! Making fun of Doraemon or Anpanman is unforgivable.
That handgun better not be real. Why won’t anyone comply with the Firearms and Swords Control Law!* (T/N: Yes this is a real thing, Keito is not just making it up. There’s a link at the end where you can read more about it)
That fool Kanzaki is the same way; follow the law! Since when did Yumenosaki Academy turn into an action manga!?
Rei: Hey, you’re losing your cool. Calm down, you’ll hurt your throat if you yell too much.
You’re an idol. Take care of your vocal chords, yeah.
Keito: Don’t suddenly start acting like an idol as if you’ve just remembered you are one, you delinquent.
If you would simply listen to what I tell you, I wouldn’t have to shout at you!
Rei: Hahaha, you’re preachin’ to deaf ears
Keito: Stop laughing. So irritating!
Rei: Now, now, take a deep breath… You’re ruining your stoic good looks, Hasumi-chan 🎵
Keito: Don’t add “-chan” to my name!* I swear, everything you do and say displeases me. (T/N: The cutesy/diminutive honorific suffix)
But what you said was right, there’s no use in shouting…
Give me a moment, I will meditate. If I recite Buddhist scripture, my anger should subside.
Rei: …Hey, bouzu.* Quit tappin’ the mokugyo* and tell me more about the situation. (T/N: bouzu means [Buddhist] monk and a mokugyo is the wooden instrument you see Keito playing in his unbloomed card – it’s used while chanting Buddhist scripture.)
I’m going to be overseas starting from the beginning of next week, so I won’t be able to lend a hand.
This might be your last chance to beg for assistance from me – the coolest, strongest and most trustworthy.
Tell me, and if it seems interesting, instead of a hand, I’ll move just the tip of my pinky finger for you.
Keito: Move your entire body. Why are you so unmotivated.
Rei: I’m tired during the day. I normally should be sleeping at this time, so you should praise me for just being able to stay up.
But whatever. Let’s go straight to the scene. I’ll hear the specifics while we’re en route. After all, this incident didn’t happen in the student council office, right?
Keito: Yes, that’s true but wait, I need to lock the door.
Rei: Haha, that childhood friend who tags along with you, Tenshouin-kun?
So you need a lock, huh? I mean, he did arrange to have a bunch of overly expensive furniture in here so thieves would be after it…
Keito: This is not to Eichi’s taste. This is just the doing of those around him who think they are being helpful by making an atmosphere befitting of the Tenshouin heir.
Right now, he likely does not want to stand out…If anything, he probably wants someone to steal these extravagant furnishings.
Rei: Well he probably doesn’t want it to get stolen and turned into entertainment money for idiots.
Then, you should ask someone appropriate to be a guard, or to take care of the room.
The student council’s short of hands. I know just the right kind of trustworthy person who will work diligently, should I introduce you to him?
Keito: Well connected as always, I see. But stop speaking as if this isn’t your concern – you’re the student council president. You need properly do your job and fulfill your duties.
Rei: You’re the one who came and bowed down, asking me to take this position in name, at the very least.
I don’t plan on proactively working. I only took this seat because I like you.
So don’t be disappointin’ me too much, bouzu. As long as you keep me entertained I’ll watch out for you, but if this becomes a hassle then I’m keeping my hands out of it,
After all, my greatest enemy right now is “boredom”
Keito: No one has ever died of boredom since the dawn of history.
Rei: It’s tougher to want to die, for it to be best to die, but being unable to die.
….Never mind that, let’s just go, you’re always full of talk.
Speech is silver; silence is golden. You’re gonna get tripped up if you talk too much, bouzu.
Rei: And we’re off~♪
Keito: Wait, wait, you probably don’t know where the destination is, don’t walk in front. I will show you the way so follow me.
Rei: We’re headed outside the school, yeah? If it’s something that happened within the school that would make you lose your cool that much, bouzu, there’s no way I wouldn’t hear about it
So, I’m going towards where we change our shoes.* I’ll pick some shoes that are easy to move in. If a smooth talker like you can’t resolve the situation, then it must be a physical fight. (T/N: For those unaware, you change into indoor shoes in school in Japan)
Keito: …That saves me from explaining, then. When you say “choose some shoes” you mean picking out a pair from the shoes scattered at the end of the passageway.
Rei: That’s why I’m heading over there. You don’t need to say every single thing we both already get, it’s a waste of oxygen.
Extra translator’s notes:
I hope I made the change in Rei’s speaking style come through, but in this flashback he no longer is using his old-timey talk and is speaking like a juvenile delinquent.
Would you like to read more about the Firearms and Swords Control Law of Japan? Of course you do: https://www.loc.gov/law/help/firearms-control/japan.php